I’m just trying to save some for the rest of you
If you know me, you have probably thought to yourself more than once, “Man, how is she just so darn…PERFECT? Seriously, Cowan, save some for the rest of us.”
I get it. You’re human.
But I must tell you that it’s exhausting, going through each day pretending to have it all wrapped up and ready to go.
Inside, I’m kind of a mess. In my life, I’ve spent many days wondering what the hell I am doing, what we are all doing, why we are doing it, and where it is leading. Feeling like an imposter.
The saving grace is that several years back, I began to suspect I was not the only one who feels this way.
And recently I have started asking if there is anyone who doesn’t feel this way.
Anyone?
I didn’t think so. As I suspected, we’re all winging it.
I’d like to request that we cease this behavior immediately.
Stop it.
Right now.
Stop with the proclamations of health, fortune, perfect romantic love, and general well-being.
Not that there is anything wrong with going to the gym, eating well, making money, being in love. These can be wonderful things.
The problem is that there is often a second part of each “perfection” proclamation that doesn’t get uttered and hides the truth of why we really do these things.
For example:
“I do pilates fives times a week! [so my friends will still accept me and I will never, ever die].”
“I just got promoted! [to a job I really don’t want, but someone has to pay for the kids’ private education so they too can grow up and work at a job they hate to pay for their children’s private education, etc., etc.]”
“I’m not big on sweets – I’ll pass on dessert! [until I get home and can stuff my face privately with bon bons while watching the Bachelor].”
“Larry tells me he loves me at least 21 times a day, one for each month we’ve been dating!” [which is about 20 months too long, but I’m scared to be alone.]
I mean, HONESTLY. No wonder we’re all exhausted. It’s not cause we’re actually exhausted. Well, okay, we are. (Sleep, people. We need more sleep!) But besides that, we’re tired from the mere thought that we can’t just get it together like Jim or his wife what’s-her-name down the street, with their 7 am runs to the lake and perfect vacations to perfectly perfect places.
It’s ridiculous. And it needs to stop.
To be a part of this change, I hereby present this list of just a few of the ways in which I decidedly do NOT have it together:
– I put salt on everything. I mean everything….like Chinese food, which is just not salty enough, and movie theater popcorn that the young girl behind the counter salted before handing to me in exchange for $8.99. Not good for me? I simply don’t care. Salt = joy in my book.
– We have debt. And we are learning to be okay with it, because you know what? WHO IS CLIPPING COUPONS AND RUNNING TO FIVE DIFFERENT STORES TO FIND THE BEST DEAL WHEN THEY HAVE THREE SMALL CHILDREN? Not me, that’s who.
– If I could wear elastic pants every day for the rest of my life, I would. Come to think of it, why can’t I? I’m doing it.
– I pick my nose in the car sometimes. I’m waiting to have one of those “There was no nostril penetration!” moments at a stoplight. Except I would be lying.
– I judge people for ridiculous, shallow things a lot. Really based on nothing other than what I feel like judging them on that day. Driving too slow. Driving like an idiot. Having a cheesy handbag. Chewing the wrong flavor of gum. Talking too loudly. Talking too softly. Talking at all. And on and on. It’s exhausting. And totally counter to my goal of putting more love into the world. But, man, it feels good sometimes, doesn’t it?
– I call my children a$%holes sometimes. Not to their faces. But behind their backs. Because, you know what? Sometimes they really behave like ones. (See? I judge them, too.)
– Sometimes I think that, although I am committed to changing the world and making a positive difference, if someone offered to support me while I shopped for shoes for the rest of my life, I would *totally* take them up on their offer. (PM me if you’re a person of means and would like to chat further.)
See? Not so together. Not so nice all the time.
Kind of messy. But increasingly, also kind of ok.
What has helped me is to talk about it. To reach out to people in my life and say, “I have something I’m struggling with about myself or my life and I’d like to tell you about it. Will you listen?”
And you know what? Most of the time, people do. And they tell me that it helps them, too.
And also, we laugh. A lot. Cause, you guys, imperfection is FUNNY.
Just for today, what’s one thing you might share with the world about how fabulously imperfect you are? You could even share here, cause you know I’d love it.
Unless you kill small animals or carry a cheesy handbag. In that case, I’m gonna need you to take it elsewhere, k? Thanks.
